"Roadside Diner
Cheap Motel Poetry Ramblings"

DOWN INTO THE GROOVE  OF A FORLORN YEAR REVISITED

Its the 21st  of December so some think it is  THE END

But no one knows the time the hour the day that will come like
a theif in the night
Ya' got that right
 I aint worried bout  a thing man cause I'm driving and the two lanes are vanishing behind me in this..
Year In Review
 I can see reflecting in highlights of the past headlights ...
Writin' and a recordin'
travlin' through a locked window
railroaded by monkeys
hobblin' like Crutch Daddy Jones
Left and Right political noise of a wash
people using bad happenings ..events ..shootings viloence
exploiting the innocent lambs who were turned into Gods angels
Using that tragedy for their own political purpose
sometimes left aint right and right aint left
Its only propaganda and an evil theft
and to all who chant "Which side Are you On?"
I say "the side of the road no one travels on- with the outcasts from the outcasts -the meek vagabonds"
 For human beings always find a way to do harm and smile & kill
no matter what laws get layed accross the great divide they will....
 swallow the plane to catch the bomb
swallow the bomb to catch the gun
swallow the gun to catch the knife
swallow the knife to catch the hammer
swallow the hammer to catch the nail
swallow the nail to catch the wood
swallow the wood to catch the stone
use the stone as an eye for an eye
I dont know why they swallowed the eye
perhaps sticks and stones too can make ya die
If theres a will theres a way And hateful will always try

I propose a toast to
(In a more uplifting note)
TO:
(trumpets blowing right about now)
Ingbar Swenson a rust repair salesman from Bolton l whisper street
Jesse & Frank James Colt 45 RPM- The 45 RPM
Clowns with mustaches
Giraffes with short necks
Leaders who tell the truth
elephants without trunks
Skunks that dont smell
Rats who share cheese
Monks who climb trees
wordsmiths and blacksmiths with long tooth combs and
Brides who dress in spike heels and carry flick knives

 High moments from 2012.......
Getting the call from Dwight Yoakam and crew to open show for him with
Michael& The Lonesome Playboys ,
My Book 'Lost American Nights; Published in its 2nd edition by MOONTIDE PRESS (Thank you M Miller)
The GOE gigs
The EB Gigs
Cinema gigs
The Ronnie Mack Barn Dance gigs
Fitzgeralds & of Course without any further rambling
The on-going Outlaws of Folk music series & all the travlin' Songsters who swing by and spew out a song of 30 minutes of good hustle.


Then again....

 Typewriter Busted, I dusted ,Is now trusted and working again
write my songs on an old Underwood givin to me by the ghost of Kerouac,
(In a car with Hank Williams and Oscar Wilde no less)
While mutants and vultures trying to chomp souls and feed em to the lowest bidder surrounded me on a front porch down cross the Macon Dixon Line
headed straight into the sideshow damsel in a pink radiator dress ..however I did not comply as I borrowed a swift antique broom fom the local judge and flatly smashed his will and the feathered chamber of commerce birds into submission(Right here cue up the sex pistols)

Writing poem after poem , song after song ,riding the crest of the whirlwind
Ill see ya in the next chapter of year 2013
Thats my year in review ..Think it dont mean a thing?
Better read the lines in between
& awake from your nightmare and call it a dream
Theres a lot held in the glove box that to the naked eye can't be seen
On the driftwood of promise of some false hipster scene
Who will wear the right clothes
and pretend they know what it all means...'
Besides never trust a doner that wears bell bottom jeans
obscene



written by Michael ubaldini
copyright library of congress 2012
may not be used in any form without permission In whole part or in any form

Jimmie Jones- The King of The Tribute to Tribute bands
                  -written by M. Ubaldini

                                       
This is the story people of Jimmie Jones a Musician that couldn't quite cut it. He always had a massive ego & thought himself an undeniable presance.He grew up and was a teenager in the middle 1970's .The kinda guy who played air guitar and listened to Led Zep, & Sabbath but really migrated more towards Prog Rock, Rush etc..
He was aware of Down & Dirty Rock n roll Elvis, Little Richard etc... But somehow tied them in along with Buddy Holly & Chuck Berry with the cartoon 50's parody Sha Na Na–He just was never really hip enough to ‘Get it’. He also hated T-Rex, Lou Reed and Bowie

He smoked a lot of dope & drove a Ford Pinto& worked at a Pup N Taco. His girlfriend ‘RUBY VIOLA’ was a busty Rock Groupie into astrology & who only read Tolkien tales and pretended she lived in the medieval times... Jimmie wore a big feather earring in his left ear..(.cause the right ear meant something' ya didn't want to be back in them Daze)

Anyway Jimmie wore a brown leather suit vest with no shirt & Platform shoes& His long hair feathered back with a part in the middle. He was a little too late for Hippie Generation and was a little bit early for the Punk era .Unfortunately for Jimmie he was living in the time of Jacuzzi Limo California cocaine parties in the Watered down generation of Hotel California with former Laurel Canyon burn outs .

Yet Jimmie inside was secretly looking for that one –“original idea”.


Now don’t get me wrong this Jimmie was a hip guy in his daze... He had the records, he had the Explorer & Flying V guitars & the solid state Marshall half Stack. Heck he had all the pedals that simulated the real equipment... he claimed he dug the Blues (For credibility purposes) but like early rock n roll never really understood it. Somehow the magic of the hard arena rock he loved didn’t transfer from vinyl to his fingers. His band 'Dizzy Bitch' just never got past that 1:00 in the morning slot at the Starwood & besides that scene was now being taken over by The Punk Rock &Rockabilly bands.
Jimmie wound up getting a 9 to 5 job & playing in Top 40 bands after graduating high school on the weekends.

Jimmie wasn’t mad or bitter. After all he had a great job in an office and was making good money. He was really a nice guy but he still had this huge ego to feed. He repeatedly put down to anyone who would listen-‘The Rolling Stones’ saying they were sloppy.He said the same about Keith Moon’s drumming of ‘The Who’ one of the greatest bands ever. His pal & former Dizzy Bitch band mate (Now a real estate sales agent in Toledo Ohio who’s stage name ‘Dan the Zen Master’) said to Jimmie-'Buddy Rich said Keith Moon is the best Rock n Roll Drummer today.-"Jimmie promptly said –“Who is Buddy Rich?” He then turned up his Boston tape in his newly purchased walkman cassette player.

The Decades rolled on. Jimmie now had a couple of kids. His wife& his high school sweetheart now named ‘Ruby Viola Jones’ was always at the gym
.She had numerous ‘Hollywood plastic surgeries’ & drove a BMW. Jimmie was at the top realm of his field in building design. He even bought a Harley to ride on the weekends. He’d rap a bandanna on his head and be Peter Fonda at least for the weekend and on Sunday afternoons stop at a bar in an Orange County canyon to meet several of his lawyer friends all who also bought Harleys. They used to get mad when the real Bikers would come and take their parking spots. (And sometimes their cheating wives)

But what really made him and his top 40 band ‘SLIM CHANCE’ (Now called a cover band) angry was their friend who was an original artist &songwriter.- ‘Judy Diamond’ She lived her whole life for her music. She stayed dedicated since high school & whilst not famous she had a loyal following. But she griped on how she and her band could never get gigs cause of all these cover bands. But they all scoffed at Judy ( And she could be annoying). Jimmie didn’t scoff & he never felt guilty. He always thought Judy was great, &besides she babysat his kids for extra money.

As time went on something strange happened………...

Jimmies cover band wasn’t really getting booked anymore because all these ‘Tribute bands’ were popping up everywhere! ...Some of the real bands that the tribute bands paying tribute to were still touring &playing!.
It made no sense to Jimmie. Heck half of his friends were in them making money and they even thought the audiences packing the clubs were really clapping for & coming to see them.

In fact some started to "Act' like the singers they pretended to be. They (The Tribute bands)made fun of Elvis Presley impersonators... this was the final straw which made Jimmie realize they (all the tribute bands) were nothing more then ELVIS IMPERSNATORS no different. Who cares if it’s Styx, Heart, The Eagles or The Ramones they are tribute banding. ‘Hypocrites’ he thought’..

Then it happened... Jimmie finally got that 'Original idea’ he searched for all his life! He would start& form
‘A Tribute Band to The BEST Tribute Band’ -so if say for instance the best Tribute band was a tribute band of the group ‘Chicago’.. He would start a tribute to the tribute band of Chicago. The band he chose however was a tribute to the Journey tribute band. He called his tribute band to the Journey tribute. ‘Anyway you want it’- A TRIBUTE TO THE JOURNEY TRIBUTE BAND!” but that was confusing since there was a ‘Dave Clark Five’ Song of the same title ’’Anyway you want it.’(Where Journey nicked it of course ) and that started bringing in DC5 fans expecting a DAVE CLARK 5 Tribute band... so Jimmie changed the name to ‘Distance' A Tribute to the Journey Tribute band’. All of a sudden Things started going REALLY well.

It wasn’t’ easy…to be an expert Tribute to a tribute band. First you need to do everything like them –perfect with perfect imperfection.
Of Course they -Jimmies Tribute to a tribute band- had to expertly mock the slightly flat vocals of the tribute group. Some even wore wigs over wigs since some in the Journey tribute band wore wigs to cover their every day work day haircuts. It all must be perfectly imperfect!

The idea was selling tickets! The clubs were calling . Jimmie kept on going.. Why he formed a bunch of ‘Tribute Bands of Tribute bands’.. He monopolized the entire scene with bands like
“LUNG”A tribute to the tribute band for ‘Heart’ (Where Jimmie & Dan the Zen master dressed in full drag…Dan could hit the high notes almost as high as the Ann Wilson impersonator)

A Tribute band to the ROLLING STONES Tribute band became ‘THE FALLING ROCKS’ ‘
A tribute band to the RUSH Tribute band’ became- ‘WHATS YOUR HURRY’
A tribute band to the STYX tribute band Became ‘SAIL AWAY FROM THAT RIVER’’
A tribute band to the U2 tribute band became ‘NOT ME’
A tribute band to the BOSTON tribute band became ‘UTAH’
A tribute band to the EAGLES tribute band became ‘’PARROT’
A tribute band to the GUNS & ROSES tribute band became ‘SQUIRT GUN & TULIPS’
And a tribute band to the JANIS JOPLIN tribute band became LITTLE BROTHER & THE SHIPPING FACTORY’ ‘
The Tribute band to the DOORS Tribute band Became ‘KNOB’
A tribute band to the GRATETFUL DEAD tribute band became ‘UNGRATEFUL LIVING’ and finally
A tribute band to the CREAM tribute band became ‘HALF& HALF” (to keep things politically correct.)



He wanted to form Tributes to the Best BEATLE tribute Band but THE RUTLES were just way too good to try to imitate. He wanted to don Blackface &Be a Tribute band to the SLY & FAMILY STONE TRIBUTE BAND & call it ‘NOT SLICK & THE DISFUNCTIONAL PEBBLE’ but was afraid Inner city Thugs would kick his Ass,
He even formed “One Hit Wonder Tribute bands’ to open up for his Tribute to tribute bands
THE KNACK was’ KNICK KNACK PATTY WACK’,
MEN WITHOUT HATS were. You guessed it ‘Men with Hats
& AHA were ‘UH UH’
They had a 30 minute set where they would play the one Hit song ’over & over again.

Apart from the small lawsuit over his tribute to the ‘Woodstock festival’ where people started showing up dressed up as a yellow birds with white dogs in tow.
JIMMIE was finally a success.!!.

Now as you can imagine…This really Pissed off the Actual Tribute Bands.

They would get together with him and say’ “HEY JIMMIE MAN ..NOT COOL!
We are the real thing & We cant get booked …we used to fill the houses… but now no one wants ‘Tribute Bands’ …only ‘Tribute bands of the Best Tribute Bands’…. That is not good for the music scene”…..

Jimmie just counted his money, finally stated his case & said:

“Well I don’t know what’s good for the music scene …All I can tell you is you is this-
You weren’t mad when you the monopolized the clubs & took away gigs from Struggling Original creative bands and so many others’ by Being ‘impersonators’ yet calling it a tribute .At least Cover Bands Pay tribute, and do so as themselves. This gives them some form of integrity. Now you know how the Struggling songwriters like Judy Diamond must have felt. She is the Risk taker…. Don’t take it out on me because I came up with The Tribute to the Tribute band idea!”

…Jimmie went home to his two car garage home & layed in bed next to his wife& High school sweetheart the still busty Ruby Viola and stared at an old ‘Kansas Concert Poster framed on the wall from his high school days.
He kissed his wife goodnight & then checked on his Children who were fast asleep. He didn’t have to Dream anymore. For he is………

-Jimmie Jones- ‘King of the Tribute to Tribute Bands’-.


written by and concept by Michael Ubaldini
copyright Library of congress 2010- cant be used without permission whole part or in any form...

 

 

I lived when the chips were down
Drank myself to the edge
Dreamin’ and singin’
In the bars
Where the blood can leave you blind
Flowing into your eyes
The taste of salt will hit your lips –
Alone

I struggled to stand
Upon my feet
Staggered forth
Down the open street



Written By MIchael Ubaldini taken from the book 'LOST AMERICAN NIGHTS" published Moontide presss
Copyright
library of congress cant be used without permission whole part or in any form...

"BEHIND THE CHAOS

The Story of Jesse Navarro is one which has baffled people for Decades
Which often leads to the Question-“Just who is Jesse Navarro?”
People have debated for years as to what this man is and where he came from, Ask one person they may answer He An Artist without equal, ask another they will say he is nothing more then a Hobo. Another may insist he is a gas station attendant with the rebel flair of a young Johnny Cash roaming Beale street in Memphis TN.every Sat night, Ask another they swear he is a A man in the upper echelons of society hob knobbing with only the wealthiest scenesters of the world. Others will adamantly argue he is eccentric recluse Hounded by a bevy of Playboy bunnies after a night to remember at the Hugh Hefner mansion
Well good people may I implore he is all these things and a few more .The Story of This mover and shaker held Top secret for decades for fear of all who it would incriminate can now finally be told by me ‘Sir Lawrence Gridlock the third of London’.- A Jesse Navarro expert.

The Story begins in a small shack in Costa Mesa ca. where Jesse was Born, He at age seven after being expelled from the Art institute for drawing caricatures of his teachers Decided riding the rails would be a better way of life. It was on July 4th he packed a pillow case with a Harmonica & sketch book and headed for St Louis. A curly haired Man with a guitar said his name was Woody. He took the young artist under his wing and would show him the freewheelin’ ways of Hobo life only If Jesse gave him his harmonica. So Jesse did and off they went. Begging door to door, rowing a raft down the mighty muddy Mississippi river- Charming the Middle class tattooed Rockabilly girls in Virginia, smoking cheap cigars under the statue of Robert E Lee- Woody would play & sing .Jesse would dance on a buckboard .They billed themselves ‘The Human Monkey & Cosmic Organ Grinder’. When the money dried up and they were chased from town to town, the seven year old Navarro would trade his artwork for Food & Lodging .People often scoffed at his art until he left. Where then they would promptly steal his ideas. And take credit & sell them for a ton of money years later.

When Jesse became a young man Woody then said to him “Jesse you must go it alone. I’ve taught you all I know bout’ the freewheelin’hobo life”
He bid his Protégé’ farewell. Jesse promptly boarded a ship for Paris. He encountered a woman ‘Beatrice Le Mont’- a beautiful Art gallery owner who took a liking to his art & his Buddy Holly Glasses. She introduced him to the high life of Wild party’s debauchery and the Jet set. It was Here his Art was praised by The Famous. Yet other artist refused to acknowledge his work (Which they later stole) and begged him to be more like Andy Warhol- so he signed their faces and said “You’re my creation “and left.
Beatrice Lemont’ loved him& their rumored romance was Legendary - but The roaming artist Navarro left France &headed down to Memphis where he opened up a classic gas station car garage to employ tattooed pin up models. They fixed his Hot Rod and he took their photos. And of course there was that infamous rumor now referred to as ‘The Poker game Incident At the Playboy mansion’
where Jesse and a bevy of Playboy bunnies and swingers returned to relax after a Strip poker game in the middle of Sunset Bolouvard,whilst Navarro passed out free Clothing from his Custom Clash clothing line & cigars to stunned onlookers.

The incident was kept quiet with hush money supposedly paid by none other then ‘Beatrice Lemont’ of France’ who had friends in high places She called the incident “A work of Art & theatre at is best!” It was a few weeks later on a hot summer night that he encountered ‘The Ghost of Howard Hughes’ and simply disappeared. The story gets blurry from here some even state today Jesse Navarro didn’t even really ever exist at all& is a folk tale invented by none other then a old man named ‘Woody the Hobo’ who resides in Bakersfield California in a resting home. – yet Jesse Navarro’s Art ,Photos & Short Films turn up from California to New York, Europe & all over world, leaving fans ecstatic & would be imitators  plagiarizing his work.

.Private investigator ‘Doctor P.T. Clarke of Norfolk Virginia’ finally closed the case. When asked by a frantic news media “Does this Jesse Navarro exist?” He simply stated - “Yes my friends he does exist In all of his Photos, Album covers, short films, music videos& drawings that go against the grain of the mainstream. Deep Inside the souls of the underdog, the harassed, The loved, the un-loved and those that dare to be real in a false world. Yes my friends That’s where you’ll find Mr. Navarro –In The human heart
Where true Art lives and breathes for all to see that care to look.”


Sincerely ,

Sir Lawrence Gridlock The Third of London




Written by Michael Ubaldini
Copyright library of congress 2010  may not be reproduced in any shape or form or fragments without permission

(This  was written for artist Jesse Navarro of Vintage Clash Art who has lent his skills to my album covers & Tour Posters)
 

The beat of America is

Dead as we know it,

As the rhythm of one foot

Steps after another

Into a Immortal Oblivion of tranquility and lost dreams,

Forgotten

And left with no way home





Written by Michael Ubaldini - taken from the Book 'Lost American Nights'
published Moon tide press
copyright
library of congress

Buy Michaels  Book
"Lost American Nights-lyrics&poems"
136 pages of lyrics,poems,road side ramblings & cool pictures!-
Updated 2nd edition-Moontide Press
20 dollars includes shipping!!

 

MY DAYS AS A CARNEY

 

MICHAEL UBALDINI-BIOGRAPHY-HIS VERSION....
I was beat busted, and rusted and disgusted..I heard the folk singer singin’
So I knew I felt that way too…

So I jumped up to the evening’s radiant fortitude of rusted vomit and strolled out onto the blacktop pavement. I was only19 years old but I dreamed of the carnival.

..My goal would be completed as I walked many years and tears later through a looking glass window, crashed into a sleepless hut and smoked a pack of empty cigarettes…scrambled to a railway line looking to jump the train, but by the time the train rolled round’ to me in this century I knew it would take my arm off so I roamed on without a train to catch

So I jumped a burro and it led me into a tent of sorts

I cleaned cages

Rang bells

Fought off ‘Tom Thumb’ and kicked out the ‘Bearded lady’

Cause her beard was thicker then mine

.. ..I often (after whipping the ringmaster several times into the hoop jumping scoundrel that he was)…came to the conclusion that was all he hired me for…so I told him to stick his neck into the lions mouth to get his head back…I think he rather enjoyed it (though I felt he knew nothing about Chuck Berry and it made me sick!)

The people came and me and Tom Thumb sat drinkin’ whiskey and trying’ to pick up chicks…he tried to fight me and got a little jealous cause I got all the tall girls…I couldn’t understand why he was trying’ to steal the stilts from the ‘Top Hatted Tall Man’, who read nothing but Esquire magazine on every other Tuesday looking for a coupon to buy himself a cane to give to ‘The Fat Lady’(He was sensitive like that)….

The more towns we traveled to, the more I became withdrawn…..

I couldn’t understand the politician who kept kissing himself in the funhouse mirror…Couldn’t he reconcile his differences elsewhere?

..Chuck Berry was blastin’ from the rafters and once again the Mayor man(That’s who he claimed to be anyway) was trying to shut us down….He kept saying we was too American for our own good

And he was gonna tell us what to do for our own good (I admit I was game until they told us somethin’ bout freedom only getting ya outta being humane).

.But I couldn’t agree with him,

So I gave him my candy colored straw hat and stuffed toy for being so strong as to ring the bell and sent him off to debate with ‘The Trapeze Artist’…..I figured they could shoot off the cannon ball and figure out that Stonewall Jackson and Mr. Ulysses Grant had done enough….so they should enjoy life and take in a ball game…you know…take it easy man…The Mayor man (or so he claimed)even tried to get outta payin’ us!!

I was blown away!!....Him of all people!! I knew as did Tom Thumb that this cat was was just lookin’ to become an animal that stood on two hind legs and I knew after all from learning the tricks of the trade from The Fat Lady that ‘Animal Farm’ was already well known and still in print….to be honest I didn’t really care as he did try to pay for his prize after all later that day and the carnival would just have to roll into the next town without him…kinda miss that ol’ troublemaker…reminded me of my dear old teacher back at school…

The one who told me all about how life is a carnival. but I was one up on him cause ‘ my sister already had a copy of ‘The Band” album….me and Tom Thumb played it over and over again til’ the turntable broke during a cheap stunt in Portland.

.. ..I did this for about a 3 year period. I fell in love several times with a ‘Dancing woman who swallowed swords’…she was incredible….but we had to part..It was true love after all and she did give me that ol’ guitar and my life really hasn’t been the same ever since…

I quit the carnival and joined the circus and became a Rock n Roll Star…me and ‘Annie Oakley’ and ‘Stack O lee’……

Singin’ and a shootin’

Hittin’ the target and winning’ the prize...and those tours across the pond were cool...bringin’ the carnival to new places and seeing everyone get hoppin’ mad bout’ how there is too much ‘American influence’ everywhere

…why you shoulda’ seen em’ get hoppin’ mad about it all…I wasn’t scared cause there is a sucker born every minute (That’s a famous P.T. Barnum saying you know)...and we just kept selling the loudest critics of the lot more and more Levis…..Man we made a killing on those blue jeans…..they sure hated us but they sho’ looked good in Levis…..

Well we sailed cross back home to ..Ellis Island..….. But it was closed for repair, so we landed on ‘Plymouth Rock ‘

They almost turned us away but ‘The Incredible Jesto the Human Cannon Ball' told em’- carneys are really ‘Pilgrims in disguise’…. so they let us through.

I decided right there and then and there with my guitar in tow...to go my separate way…So I did and wished-

Tom Thumb,

The Fat Lady, Stack O’ and Annie,The Ringmaster, The Dancer,

The Bearded lady,

The Trapeze artist,

The Top Hatted Tall Man,

Jesto & the Burro- ‘Good Luck’

And headed out to sing across the great land of ‘Mark Twain’

.. ..I sure miss my days as a Carney

-Michael Ubaldini

Copyright 2008 – Michael Ubaldini-library of congress
all rights reserverd including the rights of reproduction in whole part in any form